Finding Definition
by Lady Etiquette
Summary: Eddie withholds a personal secret from Jamie and a new direction is taken. UST and new beginnings. These wonderful characters do not belong to me and are only being barrowed for some fun.


Jamie glanced at his watch as he walked through the precinct, looking in various offices in search of Eddie. Roll call was in twenty minutes and there was no sign of her. This was the third time she had gone missing in action without calling him and it was grating on his nerves. He checked his watch again. Down the hall he saw Sgt. Renzulli still in his office—it was a long shot but maybe Eddie had called in sick without telling him. He rapped a knuckle on the door. "Hey, boss? You got a minute?"

Renzulli was putting the finishing touches on the roll call roster. "Yeah, sure, college boy. What's on your mind?" He turned around in his chair, always happy to see Jamie.

"I haven't seen Officer Janko this morning. I thought maybe she called in." It wasn't a question but an observation. He wanted to appear neutral. Jamie waited in the doorway hoping the sergeant wouldn't looks past his question for deeper meanings in to his partnership with Eddie. What had they called it? A thing they have that's undefined, which Jamie didn't like but it meant they could remain partners; nothing romantic but more than just friends.

Renzulli looked surprised. "You mean she didn't call you?" He knew Reagan and Janko were friends outside of work but went along with the pretense because he liked them and they were two of his best cops.

Jamie hoped his expression didn't reveal the confusion he felt. "Call me about what?" A sinking feeling crept over him.

Renzulli stood up and walked around the desk and lowered his voice. "She said she had to take a couple of days off for some sort of medical reason. I thought you knew? "

Jamie was flustered and becoming angry. Medical reason? He asked himself. His mind was running away with him. He knew Renzulli would be obligated to keep medical matters of cops confidential so now he had to play along with his best poker face. "Oh, yeah, that's right. That's today. Come to think of it she asked me to pick her up when her appointment is over." He tried to think of which hospitals Eddie could be at. "St. Benjamin's or St. Vince's..." He hoped Renzulli would buy it and let it slip.

The sergeant assessed Jamie carefully and was dubious but finally answered. What the hell, he thought, knowing Reagan would find out anyway. "St. Vince's." He eyed Jamie. "This better be on the level, Reagan."

"Right, St. Vince's. That's it!" Jamie said, quickly walking toward the garage. "Thanks, boss!" He called out, already calculating the travel time between the 12 precinct and St. Vince's hospital.

* * *

Eddie sat up in the hospital bed, wearing a blue hospital gown, flipping through material that had been provided to her by a nurse. She had looked up images on her cell phone but couldn't bear to look at them yet. It was too soon, she told herself. Jamie would tell her not to jump to conclusions so she was trying not to. She glanced up at the wall clock. It was 8:30 and roll call was starting back at the 12th. She began having doubts about not telling Jamie, but knew he would have felt awkward if she tried to talk to him about this. She reached for a glass of water when the sound of familiar footsteps and a soft knock on the door suddenly drew her attention across the room.

"Eddie?" Jamie's voice came from the other side of the door. "It's me. Can I come in?"

She took a gulp of water wondering. "Yeah, sure." She sat up straighter in the bed ready for the interrogation she knew she would get.

His head peered around the door first before entering. He saw her sitting up in a hospital bed looking completely normal and he was relieved to see there weren't any tubes coming out of her or machines hooked up, so everything appeared to be normal. So why all the mystery, he wondered to himself. "Hey, partner. I've been looking for you all morning. What's going on?"

"Renzulli must have told you." Her voice and her face revealed a trace of annoyance.

"Let's just say I persuaded him to tell me," he shot back. "What I want to know is why you didn't? What's this about?"

She arranged the handouts again in her lap, her eyes avoiding his. "It's nothing, Reagan, really."

"Could have fooled me." Anger had replaced his concern and he bit it back to avoid saying something he'd regret. "You've been admitted in to a hospital, Eddie, and you're lying in a hospital bed. Last time I checked that meant something might be wrong. Or am I missing something?" He let out a frustrated breath, his hands on his service belt. "What the hell is this about? And why didn't you call me?"

"I'm not a suspect, Jamie." She spoke under her breath, her determination all around her. "You don't need to get so bent out of shape."

"I wouldn't if I was getting some straight answers." He cocked his head trying to see her eyes, which were avoiding his.

She didn't want to argue about it. She was worried and the truth was that she was glad he was there. She laid the medical brochures flat in her lap, smoothing her hands over them, carefully choosing her words. "I had my department physical and something showed up in a test."

He waited for more but that was all she said. Something showing up in a medical test couldn't be a good thing but it could be a thousand things so he wasn't leaping to conclusions. He softened his tone. "What was it?"

Eddie shrugged and continued, still avoiding his eyes. "Something. Here," she said motioning her hand awkwardly in front of her chest. She was quick to sound optimistic and de-personalize the conversation. "But, you know, it could be nothing, right? The doctors said something like seventy percent of these things are negative. But they have to perform a biopsy to find out. " She finally looked up at him. "That's why I'm here. For a biopsy."

Her eyes were red and tired and filled with hesitation. He was suddenly hearing medical terms he hadn't heard since his mother's death, and a wave of memories from her ordeal flooded his head. "Ok." His voice softened as he pulled chair over and sat down beside the bed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Her voice was quiet from exhaustion and fear. "I thought it would make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. You know, talking about something like this."

This was one of those times that he didn't like that their partnership was undefined. He wanted to define the hell out of it. He had worked to keep their relationship as professional as possible so that they could keep riding together on patrol. He had wanted to have his cake and eat it too. But now he wondered if it had gone too far. "We're partners, Eddie. You don't have to hide something from me."

"Yeah, we're partners." She studied him. "Police partners, Reagan. We don't usually discuss the details of our medical appointments or our anatomy." She let her head fall back against the pillow. "I didn't want things to get weird."

"It's not weird, Janko." He said reassuringly. 'We've talked about everything else, we should talk about these things too."

"It's weirder than you think, Reagan." She looked at him. "Your old girlfriend is my attending physician."

Jamie brows wrinkled in question. "What old girlfriend?" He didn't know what she was referring to. He couldn't remember the last time he went out with another woman.

"The doc you went out with last year. What was her name?"

He had to think about it and it came to him. The doctor he met that one time in the emergency room at St. Vince's. "You mean Jenn?" He remembered her brown hair and warm eyes and a passionate moment in a car. But it had ended after a few dates.

No sooner had he said Jenn's name when her familiar voice spoke from the door behind him. "Good morning." Jenn entered in a pair of scrubs, a stethoscope around her neck and she recognized Jamie as soon as he turned to face her. "Oh, my gosh, Jamie. Hi!" She extended her hand and shook his warmly.

"Hey, Jenn." He said standing up. He had genuinely liked her and still did. "It's a small world."

Eddie eyed their reunion. "And getting smaller," she mumbled under her breath. Jamie gave her a sideways glance as he shook Jenn's hand. She assessed their body language to try and determine if they had slept together. She guessed they hadn't, but couldn't be certain.

"I didn't realize Officer Janko was your partner," Jenn said pleasantly as she walked around the foot of the bed, smiling at Eddie.

"Yeah, she's been stuck with me for the last two years." He was attempting to keep it light. He guessed that Jenn needed to evaluate Eddie, so he decided to make himself scarce. "I'll just be outside, ok?"

Jenn noddedl. "Thanks. I'll let you know when we're through here." She put the stethoscope to Eddie's chest and talked while she listened. "Two years as partners? That's a long time."

"Two and half years to be exact," Eddie clarified as the cold device pressed against her skin. "Didn't you and Jamie go out for a while?" She had to ask and it came out as awkwardly as it sounded.

Jenn huffed out a laugh. "I think we had a total of five dates and Jamie was a perfect gentleman." She paused to listen again before going on. "And the entire time he talked about his partner." She smiled at Eddie. "I suppose I should have been offended, but the truth was I thought it was sweet. And I was envious of the woman who had the devotion of such a wonderful guy."

Devotion? The comment wobbled around in her head and Eddie tried not to look as bewildered as she felt. "Oh, you must have been mistaken. Jamie and I are police partners. We spend a lot of time together and we're friends. You must have misunderstood how he meant it."

Jenn held Eddie's wrist as she took her pulse. "I didn't misunderstand anything. As women we both know when a man is off the market." She put Eddie's arm down and jotted a note in the medical chart. "And trust me, Jamie Reagan is off the market. You're a lucky woman and as your doctor let me give you a little advice." She leaned forward as if sharing a secret. "Don't miss what is right in front of you, Officer Janko." She patted Eddie's arm and shut the medical chart. "I'll be back in a few moments to prep you and we'll head over to the OR." Eddie settled back down in to the bed, puzzled as she watched the doctor leave.

* * *

Jamie's head peered around the door again. "Hey, you decent?"

"Yeah," she said. She knew her biopsy would tell her about her health, but now she needed to make sense of everything else. "Thanks for sticking around."

"No problem." He stood beside the bed. "Did the doc have any new information?"

Eddie chuckled. It would be her secret with Jenn. "She thinks you're a really nice guy."

He shrugged. "Well, we only had a few dates, so I guess I was so nice I ended up in the friend zone." A self deprecating smile brightened his expression.

Eddie looked down at her cell phone. She and Jamie had been through life and death situations and so she decided to confide in him. "I've been looking at these." She held it out to him.

He took it and his eyes looked over the content as though it was a piece of evidence. They were images of women with mastectomy scars. He let out a sigh as he sat down in the chair again. "You don't even have the lab results, Eddie. It might be a little soon to be viewing these, don't you think? You said yourself that seventy percent of biopsies come back negative."

She shrugged. "It's still a possibility. I don't like surprises. I want to be ready if that s what's next." She looked away again and focused her attention on a loose thread on the bedding, gently tugging it with her fingers, her fear distracting her attention as she thought out loud. "If it happens, I'll never be able to undress in front of a man ever again." Silence filled the space between them.

"You will if it's in front of the right man, Eddie."

"But it will still matter."

He shook his head. "What matters is you being alive and healthy. You're a beautiful, intelligent woman, Eddie. And that's what the right man will see when he looks at you—no matter what." He clicked the phone and the images were deleted. He set it down on the bed and reached over and affectionately squeezed her arm.

His reasoning reminded her of the depth of her feelings for him and the hint of a smile returned. "Mr. Right…" She murmured as though saying the words would make him appear. Or maybe he was sitting right in front of her. "I'll keep my eyes open for him." The warmth of his words and his touch put her at ease and began to erase the horror of the pictures in her mind and lift her spirits. "Thanks," she whispered.

He started to say something but the sound of the surgical team interrupted them. Jamie stood and turned around to see Jenn in surgical scrubs. "I better step outside. I'll wait in the hallway for you. Ok?"

From the door he looked back and he could see the top of Eddie's blond head disappear in a flurry of medical technicians and nurses. He wanted to be able to make all this go away, to grab her hand and sweep her off somewhere safe. He rescued people everyday, but now felt helpless to rescue the person who meant the most to him. But his only option right now was the hallway, where he would wait.

After several minutes, the door opened and Eddie's bed was wheeled out. Jenn caught his eye and lowered her voice. "We gave her a sedative, so she's a little out of it."

He nodded and joined them, walking along beside the bed. He reached down and placed his hand on Eddie's arm. She smiled up at him. "There you are, Reagan." Her voice was dreamy and happy.

"You ok, partner?"

She smiled up at him. "Oh, yeah….I'm gooood." He chuckled as she piped up again. "Hey, Reagan? When this is all over do you want to go to the beach?"

"Sure, we'll go whenever you want."

"Thanks," she said happily. "You're the best." She looked up at the doctor and nurse. "Isn't he the best? Reagan's amazing. And hot...am I right, ladies, or what?"

Jamie's face pinked in embarrassment and he glanced at Jenn. She shrugged and gave him a grin with a knowing 'I told you so' expression. She punched the button to open the electronic OR doors. "Ok, Jamie, this is as far as you go. We'll take it from here."

He stopped and the team proceeded. Eddie mumbled a final sleepy farewell. "Bye, Jamie…" her hand reached out for his, but he wasn't there.

As he watched he felt his emotions and his heart in his throat, reaching up and suffocating him with unresolved feelings and too many things left unsaid. Maybe he was choking on the cake he'd wanted to have and eat for the past year and a half. Screw undefined, he murmured to himself. She was his partner-period. "Hey, wait up!" He called out as he caught up to the bed. Leaning over the bed he took Eddie's hand in his and held it against him. He brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. "I just wanted you to know I'll be right here when you wake up, Eddie, I promise."

She smiled up at him. "Thanks, partner." Her drowsy eyes gazed up at him. "Don't forget the beach. K?"

"I won't," he reassured her in a soft tone, "and no matter what, I'll be right here." He kissed her hand and held on to it as long as he could until it slipped from his and they pulled away down the corridor, and the electronic doors closed, shutting him off.

~~00~~00~~

* * *

Eddie slowly opened her eyes, blinking them as she woke up. The blinds were closed but she could make out the late afternoon sun slicing through them. She glanced down and was surprised to see a familiar quilt draped over her hospital bed. It had been her grandmothers and was usually on her sofa at home but now it was keeping her warm at St. Vince's. The bright blue, white and yellow colors cheered up the room and her spirits as she ran her fingers over the material.

She glanced over to see Jamie asleep in the chair beside the bed. He was still in his uniform. His arm was stretched out, his hand draped over hers on the bed. She carefully slid her fingers through his and the sensation caused him to stir. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "You're awake." His voice was hoarse and filled with the nap he'd been taking.

Her head nodded against the pillow. "How did my quilt get here?"

He pushed himself from the chair and gingerly sat on the side of the bed, still holding her hand. "I thought you might like something from home, so while you were sleeping I went over to your place and picked it up." Looking down at her, the hospital gown was askew and he could see part of a large white bandage that covered the right side of her chest. He tugged the sheet and the quilt up so she was covered. "I hope that's ok."

Her free hand bunched in the familiar fabric. "Thanks."

"How do you feel?"

"Glad that it's over with." She could see the worry and relief in his eyes. "You've been here all day, Reagan. Have you had anything to eat? What about your shift?" She yawned trying to wake up.

"I grabbed a bite when I was out earlier and I called Renzulli and told him I needed a few days off."

Her sleepy eyes widened in surprise. "Does he know you're here? He might think..."

He gently cut her off. "I think that ship has sailed, Eddie." He leaned forward and brushed his lips against her cheek.

She sighed from his touch, the weight of her worries melting under his affection and touch. She wondered how they would return to normal, or maybe this was the new normal. But for now she enjoyed their closeness.

The door to the room opened and Jenn appeared, still in her scrubs but now wearing a white doctor's coat. "How's the patient doing?" Jamie stood up and Eddie pushed herself up in bed. Jenn walked around to the other side of the bed. "I just wanted to share some good news." She put a hand on Eddie's shoulder and patted it. "Everything came back from the lab completely normal. It was just an anomaly. Sometimes that happens—we don't really know why it just does. But everything checks out and I had it cross checked by a separate lab."

Eddie's face brightened and her voice was cautiously optimistic. "So, I'm ok?"

"Yes. But take it easy for a few days and don't get the incision area wet for 4 days, so no showers—baths only." She smiled at both she and Jamie. "And the beach will be good for you—both of you." She handed Eddie several forms. "Here's your get out of jail free card—your discharge documents. You can go home tonight whenever you're ready and I'll set up a follow-up for you in two weeks." After shaking their hands, Doctor Jenn was gone.

Jamie Reached for her hand. "Eddie that's fantastic news!"

A wave of relief washed over her and tears pricked at her eyes. She exhaled and took a deep breath. "I feel like I dodged a bullet. I'm so relieved."

"I know," he answered softly. "Me too, for your sake."

"Thanks for being here." She held his hand tighter. "I really appreciate it. "

"Where else would I be?" He sat down on the bed again. "When you're ready I'll take you home and if you want we can pick up something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"Famished." She knew he hadn't eaten all day and was more worried about him. "But maybe something light? A salad from that rabbit food place you like."

"Sure. We can do that. I'll pick something up."

Eddie smiled up at him but looked puzzled. "I wonder what the doc meant about the beach? What was that about?"

Jamie looked surprised. "You don't remember? On the way to the operating room you said you wanted to go to the beach."

"I did?" She thought about it trying to remember, mentally scratching her brain. "It sounds nice, I just don't remember it."

"You also told everyone you think I'm hot. Your words, not mine" he added smugly, enjoying the surprised look on her face.

Her jaw dropped open and she cringed, rolling her eyes. "Oh, come on, Reagan, now you're just making stuff up!"

"I swear to God!"

"The depths you will stoop to." She tugged his hands, pulling him closer.

He leaned down and pressed his forehead against hers. "I've got five witnesses."

* * *

Sea Gull Beach was a day's drive from New York City. After having lemonade and ice cream from a seaside stand, Eddie and Jamie walked along the shore, barefoot and holding their shoes in their hands.

"It's beautiful here, Jamie. I'm glad we came."

"I used to come here when I was at Harvard. You know, to get away—recharge. " The fresh sea air and Eddie's company made him feel like a student again, carefree in his Bermuda shorts, tee shirt and sunglasses on his head. He felt like the guy who got he girl at the end of a movie.

"Won't your family miss you at the Sunday gathering?"

He shrugged. "Being here with you is more important."

She shared an appreciative smile as she strayed out in to the water, turning her face up to the sun. The foamy surf ebbed and swirled around her ankles. She held her arms out to her side, calling out to the ocean. "Wooooooo!"

"Hey," he called out. "Be careful!"

She laughed and waded back toward him, the waves splashing up around her legs. "It's sweltering and the water is amazing!" She said, unbuttoning the denim shirt she was wearing. It billowed in the wind as it fell loose from her body.

Just watching her go through the motions of undressing was enough to get his pulse racing. "Janko, this is a public beach?"

"Very funny. Relax, Reagan. I have a swim suit on." She let the shirt slide down over her shoulders revealing a black, low cut halter top. Her fingers tugged the top button of her shorts and she shimmied out of them revealing the bottoms, which were equally as baring. "C'mon, Reagan!"

He was trying not to gape at her. The swim suit revealed all the curves, flesh and decolletage that were usually hidden by her clothing. He could see the edge of the small red scar peeking out from the halter and a wave of protective impulses surged through him.

She looked at him in question. "What?" She glanced down at herself. "It's a bikini."

He reached for her hand and tugged her playfully, pulling her closer until she stood an inch from him. "Sometimes I just forget what's underneath your uniform." His voice was low and sensual.

She smiled and stood so close he could feel the warmth radiating from her skin. His eyes tried to take all of her in. His heart was pounding in his chest as he cupped a hand against her cheek. She stepped closer to him, their bodies almost touching. He leaned down, and grazed his lips against hers until a short gasp left her as she trembled from their touch. He covered her mouth with his and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him, feeling the contours of her body against his.

Eddie slid her hands up around his neck, deepening their kiss, and inviting him to explore her. His teeth grazed over her tongue and he tasted like lemonade and vanilla. She craved more of him and pushed up on her tip-toes to savor the slow, wet desire of their kiss. His hands caressed her back and slid down over the swell of her bottom, arousing a moan from her.

The sensation was like lightning bolt shooting through him. He tightened his arms around her, pressing her against him, the need for her overpowering. With what was left of his rational thought he suddenly realized how tightly he was holding her and remembered the scar on her chest. He stopped. "I'm sorry." He said, catching his breath. "Am I hurting you?"

She could read the concern in his eyes and shook her head. "No. It's fine." She wrapped her arms around his waist, her cheek against his chest, the feel of his cotton tee shirt soft against her skin. She could hear his rapid heartbeat just beneath her ear, keeping time with hers. "I'm fine."

Jamie kissed the crown of her head. "Officially, we're still partners until my transfer next month."

"I know," she said quietly and let out a breath.

They stood hugging for several minutes and finally he mentioned food. "Hey, there's a beach café a little further down shore. You hungry?"

"Do you even have to ask anymore?" She teased. She grabbed her clothes and his hand. He squeezed hers back and they began making their way down the shore, their feet splashing in the water, their hands tethering them together.

Eddie was grateful for what life was handing her, but she was most thankful for her partner.

* * *

Jamie walked through the hallway of the 12th and out the front door to the street for the start of his last tour. The morning sun shined in his eyes and he squinted, finding Eddie leaning back against the RMP. He smiled at the sight of her in one piece and in her uniform which was less of a distraction than her bikini had been. She was holding two Starbucks coffee cups, extending one out to him. "Thanks, Janko."

"Hi, Reagan. One last tour before you head over to the 64th as the new Training Officer. Excited?"

"Yeah," he replied. "But I'll miss being here and working with you." He looked back up at the building, every brick and memory in tact. He looked back at Eddie-safe and their partnership no longer undefined. He was grateful.

She'd miss it too, she knew. "I thought Renzulli was going to cry during roll call."

He laughed. "I think he's happy to have the PC's son work somewhere else."

"Nah, he'll miss you." She tapped her coffee cup against his. "I'm surprised he's still letting us ride together."

"Why? Technically, we haven't done anything outside department rules for partners."

"You mean including making out on the beach?"

He huffed out a laugh. "I can't help it if you think I'm hot, Eddie. You're gonna have to control yourself."

"Putting your delusions aside, Jamie, I'd say your transfer came in the nick of time. Wouldn't you?"

"And whose fault was that? That bikini should be registered as a lethal weapon." Just thinking about it made him think he'd need another cold shower.

She sipped her coffee and looked up at him from under her lashes, deciding to test the waters. "I noticed a little hotel near the shore, Reagan. We'll have to go back there."

He spun his hat in his hand. "Sounds nice. We'll make a weekend of it." He stood holding his gaze with hers as they took first steps toward their new partnership. "And no more secrets. Agreed?"

Eddie nodded. "Agreed. No more secrets." She reached out and squeezed his arm.

"But for now," he started, "we have a tour. So let's hit it."

"You gonna let me drive? Last tour and all?"

His free hand adjusted his utility belt a teasing look in his eyes. "Is this the kind of nagging I can anticipate now that we're going to be partners away from work?" He fished the RMP keys out of his pocket. "Here," he said tossing them to her as he walked around to the passenger door.

Eddie's hand shot up and caught the keys with a smack in her palm. Climbing in to the driver's seat she started the engine. The radio crackled with a call—a burglary in progress two blocks away. Jamie's hand reached up to his shoulder mic. "Central this is twelve David responding."

Eddie's foot went to the floor and the patrol car shot forward as she hit the lights. Jamie gripped the door. "Whoa! Hey, careful!"

Their last tour started just like the first, each knowing something special was just around the corner.

* * *

 **A/N** Thanks for reading! :-)


End file.
